Finding a partner who realizes your value

Rushing into a relationship or choosing someone out of desperation isn’t setting you or the other person up for success.

You likely aren’t going to find your “soulmate” at age 20. Meaningful relationships don’t happen in a couple of weeks, no matter how simple it may seem looking in from the outside.

This is a different time of dating, a time with less of a cultural focus on marriage, with more easy-going expectations and fast paced interactions through technology.  

Many factors go into creating healthy and unhealthy relationships. But I would argue that it is neglecting proper screenings, intentions and motives that are the most significant contributors of settling.

Settling produces the worst foundation possible when beginning a new relationship.

Keep your standards high; seek out, and act out, the type of behavior, morals and personality that you would want to date.

We have innate senses that tell us when something about the other person feels off, when the things they say make us cringe or perhaps when we notice a complete lack of trust between individuals.

Our impatience and desire to be loved and adored by someone, anyone, comes from a lack of confidence in ourselves and a need for validation.

People are dating for the wrong reasons today. Love interests seem to be formed out of desperation and loneliness rather than genuine revere.

When was the last time you pursued someone simply because you admired their work ethic, opinions and way of living? When was the last time attraction wasn’t the only motive between seeing one another?

We need to ask ourselves: Did I admire that person, or do I just want a person for myself?

The desire to be close with someone, to be treated special, can sometimes lead us to dropping our standards, even if we might be bothered by some of our target’s actions or words.  

It feels good when people take interest in us. It feels good when they say all the things we want to hear. But did the two of you take the time to ask the deeper questions that are important to each other, and walk away when the red flags appeared?

We settle because we don’t understand our own value. We compromise, drop our standards, and then are upset when someone doesn’t turn out to be what we wanted them to be.

This wouldn’t happen if we remained picky with the people we allowed in our inner circles.

It’s worth waiting for someone who understands and values your whole person, from your humor, your childhood and your ambitions, just to name a few.

In order to invest in your own time and emotions well, you need to be able to say no.

Be selective. Start acting like the type of person you would want to be with. Keep your standards high, because they will eventually direct you to the person you’ve always deserved.

Take the time you have being single to cherish the friendships around you. Don’t let anyone have control over your emotions simply because you would rather be with someone than be single and alone.

Work on the way you see yourself. Yes, I’m telling you to love yourself. Do you really think that someone else, no matter how great they are, is going to be able to be your source of confidence forever? Is that healthy or sustainable?

No one can be your everything.

Don’t date to bandage a wound or reconcile something when it doesn’t even have the blueprints to work. There are plenty of people out in the world and you probably won’t meet your one true love at a small Christian school like SPU.

Humans settle because relationships are falsely portrayed as the best thing we can have in this life, and I believe that is why we rush into things and neglect the slow process of getting to know someone, and walking away if necessary.

Do whatever it takes to see the worth you have, just the way you are, because being content in who you are will help you maintain the standards you have and avoid settling for someone that doesn’t have the same mindset.   

Until someone worthy of your time and respectful of your emotions comes along, work hard to keep your standards high and unwavering.  

Understand that strong, healthy relationships don’t happen overnight and that its your job to be selective with who you let impact your mind, body and spirit.