For the past four years, I have attended classes at Seattle Pacific University. From the depths of COVID-19 in 2020 to the gradual revival of campus, I have gone through the ups and downs of university life and am preparing to move on. I have finished my graduate school applications and am making plans for the summer. By all accounts, I should have accepted that this is my last whole month at SPU. I should know it is time to move on to new and better horizons.
Then why does this quarter not feel like the end?
Even though this is my last month at SPU, everything about the spring of 2024 still feels mundane. Classes are going on like normal; the sun has just begun to come out but graduation is less than a month away. Even with the end of my college life creeping up, I still don’t feel any different or more prepared for the outside world than I did over the winter quarter. I am doing the same tasks with the same people in the same way that I have for years. My routine hasn’t changed, and it’s as if my mind hasn’t registered that this is the last time I’ll do it.
Although many graduation-related events are coming up, they have yet to feel real. Gradfest was just picking up a cap and gown. Photoshoots have come and gone with little change. Even the ivy cutting, scheduled for a mere few weeks from now, still seems like it’s a long way away. In nearly every respect, I still feel like a student at SPU, trying to get by in my classes as best as possible.
I know I am not alone in feeling this strange sense of normalcy in the face of such a major shift. Nearly every other senior I’ve talked to has the same feeling. One that they should care more about the upcoming graduation, even while admitting that it still feels so far away. No matter who it is, almost every senior is more concerned with their grades or All Hall Ball than with what their life will look like in just a month’s time.
It’s like we seniors are aware of what’s about to come but almost oblivious about what that will mean for us going forward. We know on an intellectual level that we won’t be coming back in the fall, and we understand that this means we have to start planning for the future. However, few seniors I’ve talked to are treating their life any differently than they did before. Few discuss the topic on their own, and fewer speak about long-term plans beyond what jobs they hope to work at or where they plan to go for the summer.
There is something surreal about how normal this last month has felt. My grades no longer matter, yet I push myself to get A’s anyway. I have no more classes to apply for, yet I feel I’m forgetting something. My cap and gown are currently in my room, yet I barely even look at them as I prepare for my classes in the morning.
The reason lies in the mundanity of the majority of the quarter. Minor graduation events aside, classes still carry on, friends still hang out and campus life continues like normal. While many still search for long-term jobs or await responses from their graduate applications, these are just side activities next to work, friends and school. With so many immediate concerns, finding the bandwidth to care about something we have yet to experience can be challenging.
This sensation may fade as the last few weeks pass and graduation events begin. Maybe there will be one day when everything clicks, and we seniors collectively realize we won’t spend another year at SPU after summer break ends. For now, though, this strange sense of familiarity lingers as I scramble to complete my obligations with only the occasional passing thought about what comes next.
As wild as graduation will be, my classes and friends still come first. Why should I bring myself to care about a hypothetical when there’s so much to do right now? For now, I have much more important things to deal with before I start the next phase of my life.
