When I started my freshman year at Seattle Pacific University in 2022, I thought I had the next four years of my life planned out. With a successful end to my senior year of high school, I had high hopes for my college life. My official plan for university was to study journalism, find internships, network with professionals and graduate with a degree that would allow me to find a job as a reporter.
While the start of my first year at SPU went well, I found myself becoming increasingly overwhelmed with the responsibilities that came with being a college student. Throughout 2023, I struggled to divide my time between school, interviewing, writing, making time for friends and working multiple jobs. There would be periods when I would have more time for one thing and not another, causing me to feel like I was always lacking in either my academic, social or mental wellness.
Although I managed to pull myself together for many quarters, I eventually ran out of steam and reached a point in my life when school simply did not seem like a priority anymore. What started as an opportunity for a blossoming journalism career quickly became the source of my constant stress and dread. Eventually, I began to feel intense feelings of shame, hatred and anger for myself anytime I stepped foot on campus. By the time my freshman year ended, I had fallen into a deep depression.
As a full-time student struggling with depression, I almost always felt like I was physically incapable of doing anything. The act of getting out of bed in the morning became a recurring battle and would cause me to miss class all throughout the week. Even when I would gain the motivation to attend school for a day, I could barely afford to pay any attention to the lessons being taught and the books I was assigned to read. I felt helpless.
Shortly after the start of 2024, I experienced many changes in my life all at once. With an end to my long-term relationship, difficulty grasping a recent ADHD diagnosis, complicated feelings toward my career and an overall dissatisfaction with the work I had been doing as a journalist, I hit my lowest point. I stopped attending class entirely and started to stay home every day, only leaving the house to go to work. I quickly lost interest in everything that had made me happy for so long, including interviewing, audio editing and storytelling.
Then eventually, I lost interest in journalism as a whole.
Ever since I started interviewing people when I was 15, I always knew it was something I wanted to do for the rest of my life. The feeling of interviewing a stranger, learning more about their life and then turning that interview into a story was an incredible process that I felt I could not get enough of. Since high school, I believed studying journalism and becoming a reporter was the “correct” path to grow as a storyteller, so I attempted to do so by attending SPU.
But when I began to feel resentment toward the work I had loved for so long, I knew I desperately needed to change something. So, in a last-ditch effort to save my career as a storyteller and to prevent myself from hating everything I loved, I decided to leave school for good, hoping to rediscover myself.
The feeling I got after receiving confirmation from the Registrar Office of my withdrawal from the university was something I never thought I would ever experience. After reading the confirmation email I decided to open Canvas, where I saw that all of the classes and overdue assignments that had been weighing me down for weeks were now gone for good. Upon realizing that the dread of college life was officially over, all I could do was rest my head and let out an overdue exhale.
At the time of writing, I have been out of school for three months. As a college dropout, I feel happier than ever. Being away from school has allowed me to dedicate time to exploring myself and to rediscover the things I had previously fallen out of love with. Most notably, I was able to rekindle my relationship with interviewing and storytelling. While I no longer wish to be become a reporter as I had dreamed when applying to SPU, I have been able to find new ways to interview people and tell stories.
A recent example of this was in March when I attended Emerald City Comic Con. Dressed as Simon Petrikov from “Fionna and Cake,” I decided to bring a tri-fold poster board with the question, “Who is your real-life superhero?” and asked people to write their answers on it. I also took instant photos of cosplayers to add to the board. At the end of the day, nearly my entire board was filled, and I also had a chance to interview people on-camera to explain their answers, which I edited into an Instagram Reel.
Interviewing strangers at Comic Con felt thrilling in a way I did not expect. While I initially set out to create a project to help me get back in the groove of interviewing people, I believe the project also helped connect people in the Seattle community in a way they may not have expected. The idea of a group of strangers, who have never met each other and may never meet each other, all participating in the same project is very exciting for me.
Since then, I have tried to find new ways to bring people together to share their stories. I am currently working on an art-based project where every day for one year, I ask a stranger in Seattle to draw in my sketchbook and post their art to my Instagram. Additionally, I plan on spending an entire day handing out flowers to men in Seattle, inspired by the saying “most men don’t receive flowers until their funeral,” and photographing the people I meet throughout the day.
While the work I am doing now may not be traditional reporting, I believe journalism is still at the core of what I do. As a naturally curious person, I believe interviewing and storytelling will always be something that drives me to become a better person and to engage with the world around me.
While my time at SPU was not the happiest, I am infinitely proud of myself for recognizing when it was time to leave and for making the steps toward achieving a healthier mindset.
